end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
