Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
