I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
