He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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