I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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