Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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