On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
