Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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