the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
