I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
