I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
