I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
