shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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