I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
