i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
