hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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