She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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