med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
