my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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