I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
