Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
