This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
