I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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