i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
