Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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