I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....