The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
