You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
