First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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