Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
