He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
