Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
