my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
