Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
