Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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