Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
