Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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