What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
