Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
