wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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