I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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