That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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