too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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