do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
