What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?