the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.