i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo