No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Blood and glitter go together right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.