So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
