"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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