i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
