Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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