I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
another moral hangover. fuck.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
