it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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