did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My vagina is officially offended.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
