She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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