why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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