Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
