So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
